Um, NO. Episode 1

It’s time for a new segment, I call it, “Um, NO.”

 

Think of it as an homage to “Thatz not Okay.”

 

This week I want to talk to my fellow outdoorsmen about a subject near and dear to us all.

 

PANDHANDLING IN RESTAURANTS.

 

Um, NO.

 

This is disturbing to many patrons, to the point that it is in fact the reason many establishments look askance at me when I walk in the door with one too many bags. Why anyone would think that a restaurant is an appropriate place to beg for change is beyond me. People like to eat their meals in a low stress environment, not to mention, if they have change at all it’s covered in germs (all cash money is notorious as a disease vector) and should definitely not be touched between bites of a cheeseburger and fries.

 

It’s rude, it’s off-putting, it could actually make someone sick, this is just a no-go all the way around.

 

But, people are hungry, broke, etc. Yeah, and they may fly a sign, or just take a nap in the park. Or hit up a soup kitchen. Or even just grab a chair, because a significant amount of time someone will see such a person sitting there, and offer them the extra item from a combo meal, or even offer to buy them something outright. There’s just really no need to get in someone’s face 99% of the time.

 

Of course, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” you say. That’s fixable, when the people who cause such a blight on civility see that those who meekly get whatever they need without resorting to such rudeness, many will give up on this tactic when they catch on.

 

“But what would you do in that situation?” – I would pray about it. No seriously, Lots of people wonder why I don’t resort to begging on the corner and I can honestly say it’s because God has been good to me. I may not know where it’s going to come from, but I rarely miss a meal, and don’t have to resort to these kinds of measures. It’s not a caviar buffet, but pizza is not that hard to come by in Manhattan.

 

Moreover, you’re going to need help getting your life together eventually, and that kind of help is not typically forthcoming from the welfare system. You may as well get used to asking god for the things you need, or it’s going to be an even longer, harder, road out of hell.

 

“Ask of your Father who is in Heaven in secret, and He will reward you openly.” – Jesus of Nazareth

 

Ask A Bum

Today we have a special segment, we call: Ask a Bum.

 

I’m 16 & I’m trying to flee my abusive parents. Social services hasn’t been helpful. I currently plan on, when I have enough $$ to go to the nearest county, to use their apartment transitional living program. Any sort of tips or anything??? Thx a lot!

 

No problem 16. First, a couple of things. From what country, to what country? It matters. This s definitely a “check your local listings” situation. If you plan to flee to the U.S. for example, you will have a tougher time of it before you are 18, and in some cases 21. If you plan to flee from the U.S. you may need a passport. Etc.

 

“When I have enough money.” This is a thing I have uttered or thought many times. Rarely does the day ever come when you have enough money to justify the situation. Most people wait until their situation is so desperate that they have no other options. Take a tip from Admiral Akbar: “It’s a Trap!!!” There are, of course,those situations where you have more reason to think you will have extra money in a few years (the German program of giving money to young adults, for example), or maybe you are planning on robbing a bank? I don’t know. But most of the time waiting until you “can afford it” is just procrastinating.

 

It’s not always possible to deal with abuse head on, but have you considered it? What kind of abuse are we talking about? If it’s sexual assault, you need to get out sooner, not later. If it’s serious physical abuse waiting until you end up hospitalized or with a broken leg/ankle and unable to walk away at all, is no good. If it’s emotional abuse, time to do some soul-searching. Is this really abuse? If it’s not really that bad, you may be about to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire, and burn a bridge behind you in the process. Don’t do that lightly.

 

So overall some questions to ask in assessing this situation:

 

Is this permanent? Are you going to burn a bridge you can never recover from if you go forward with this plan?

 

Are you confident of jumping legal hurdles? Citizenship and immigration, age of majority, navigating your new nation’s welfare system. For many being homeless amounts to a full time job of paperwork and bureaucracy. I’ve seen it eat people alive when I did intakes at a shelter I volunteered at. Know EXACTLY what is required of you and how you will meet that requirement every step of the way.

 

Can you afford it? I know, waiting until you have the money is a trap, I just said that, but rushing headlong into poverty is not fun, and may not be smart. Can you get enough money to get yourself through? An extra part time job, a rich uncle, some kind of support from an abuse counselling service, internet fundraising is dodgy, but there are campaigns to help people, even individuals, ask around. At least have some idea of how you are going to pay for this transition. I just saw an article detailing someone’s run from a country in Africa to the U.S. through 18 countries and $15,000 and that’s not unusual. That was a war refugee, but don’t be surprised if your endeavor costs just as much.

 

What kind of support do you have? You need people. Friends, family, The good Lord above, you can’t function with zero network. Many have tried, and many have spiraled into madness, depression, and destitution. Are you going to leave your comfort zone at the other end of this ride and make new friends? What if that plan fails? Are you going to be near friends or family when you get there? Are you going to have any friends or family where you are helping you leave?

 

What’s your endgame? Plans change, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a plan. “transitional apartment program” sounds great, but here’s the thing: What are you transitioning to? School? Career? How do you get on your feet again? I picked NYC because I wanted to write, and the publishers are here. I like to play chess, and this is one of the best places on Earth to do that (it’s practically free, and lets you take your brain to the gym when you just need to kill time anyway). I suck at social networking, but there are so many people here I can’t help but meet some new folks here and there. It’s not necessarily ideal, but it has some excellent points. Also important, for me personally anyway, and probably for you as well, the light at the end of the tunnel helps you keep going through the long dark nights. Having a vision or goal you are working toward will help keep you focused and get back on your feet, because it’s a quagmire out here.

 

“When you’re going through hell, KEEP GOING.” – Winston Churchill

Adjust, Adapt, Assimilate

Sometimes people find themselves suddenly homeless, as in unexpected evictions, but most of the time people kind of see it coming. It’s nerve wracking, and mostly that’s the worst part. Nevertheless, there are always those “firsts”. The first time you sleep on a sidewalk, or outside at all, it’s a bit strange. You quickly realize why people sleep on cardboard (hint:concrete is hard). But this stage is important because people are creatures of habit. These early adjustments are mostly mental, and lead some as far as suicide, others to drink and drugs. It’s easy to overlook the importance of adapting well to new surroundings in spite of the immediate problems.

The first time someone solves a problem, they often grab the easiest, quickest, or cheapest solutions, not the optimal. It really snowballs later when they repeat the same solution for the same recurring problem. Getting an apartment requires an upfront cost, but is still frequently cheaper than a hotel. The hotel as a solution is usually much more attainable and lures people in. But as each month goes by, these families (yes, in some places whole families move every three weeks to a new hotel) get further behind financially. The traps of the poor that seem to offer help to problems often exacerbate them further.

Food is a universal need. The responsible thing to do is go to the store, buy cheap, healthy food, go home, prepare it, and consume it. Poor people may even get food stamps to help do this, so what’s the hold up? Going to the store requires some form of transportation; healthy food is at a premium these days so it’s rarely cheap; there may not be a home at all, let alone a fully equipped kitchen; they may or may not have ever been taught to prepare healthy meals; etc.

So many homeless people buy their meals at restaurants and hope they can hang out, maybe even charge a phone, use the wifi, or even write a blog post  (ask me how I know this…). This means a 25 cent bowl of oatmeal is costing them $3.95. Basic nutrition starts to become a heavy expense, making soup kitchens a lifesaver for many.  Some of them do a great job of making nutritious food available, but in the end, it creates a lack of control of ones life that sadly serves to institutionalize many who will go right back to jail or prison, and only notice an improvement in the availability of hygiene and healthcare.

Establishing a routine when circumstances change is something people do automatically, but many do not do conscientiously. Improving that routine to better take advantage of potential opportunities is something that simply doesn’t happen on accident. It’s important to find and add improvements, even small ones, to improve the chances of finding full employment, functional housing, basic necessities, and social and professional networks.

Stay safe out there.